Live Blogging of the JACK BAUER POWER HOUR: Hour 23 and 24!

This is the end. My only friend the end.

I'm scared. They better not let me down.

5 a.m-6 a.m.

5:02 Russian's in the sub. Craig Bierko talks about why they're doing what they;re doing. Oh look! Audrey's using Cysco systems! Must use cisco systems.... There's the guy with huge eyebrows. Audrey's asking them to sink the submarine or at least to think about it. And yes Brett, the fnumbers of that file started with 42.

Jack's at the sub. One guard. Written by Evan Katz and Howard Gordon. Directed by that guy... that main guy Jon Cassar or something like that. The guy who's THE MAN.

The missles can go off within 20 minutes or so. Friendlies could still be in the sub (somehow?!?!?). And there is one. Oh, and Bierko wants a gun.

Look! There's a guy in the sub! Who somehow survived! I think he's hispanic so maybe ONE minority will be able to kick some ass. The Sentox is cleared from the sub so we can finally lay THAT subplot down for good. Jack instructs the sacrificial lamb to go and let them in. And to kill a guy with his utility knife. The kid is freaked.

Big TV screens at the ranch are lit up again. Logan's back to his usual freaked-out-ness. Novick's predicting doom on his slanted angle.

Nutjob calls Aaron. He's got to get off the ranch somehow and she can't talk to Novick because of this silly little submarine thing. Sacrificial Lamb calls back to Jack. He's right handed. Jack's now telling him to insert knife A into neck B. Step by step killing. The guy HAS to have been trained to kill people at some kind of boot camp. "Cut him deep and cut him fast." Alright then. The words of wisdom of Jack Bauer. And with a few extra strokes (practice swings I'm sure), Sacrificial Lamb has made his first kill! Son, you've now become a man. Circumcision happens tomorrow.

Jack and the gang are about to go in the sub when the missle bay opens. They have seven minutes left before they launch. Or, if you're relying on CC, four minutes.

Jack now instructs Sacrificial Lamb how to sneak up on a bunch of Russians with guns and video cameras. Bierko is doing his normal subtle targetting by making huge red circles on a map. Diversion (aka loud noise) completed. Bierko takes some men to check it out. Why the men weren't checking it out BEFORE? Who knows. Not important.

Some Agent McCullough is going to signal Jack with a mirror, Missles armed. Jack prepped to STICK A KNIFE IN THE GUY'S THROAT! Awesome! Bile and blood coming out of his mouth and everything.

We still trust Henderson enough to have HIM disarm the missles. Why Chloe can't do this is beyond me at this point. I should start drinking so I don't think of the logic or plot holes. McCullough is down. Russians shot him. Henderson taking his sweet ass time while Chloe plays timer.

FIGHT! HIT! Bullet to Bierko's shoulder. Steam to bad guy's face. Jack BREAKS THE GUY'S NECK WITH HIS THIGHS!!! Awesome. Never leg wrestle with Jack Bauer.

And Henderson has run away long enough to get behind Jack with the gun he gave him. THE GUN WITH NO BULLETS IN IT! "Good for you Jack." You taught him right. Stand-off on the submarine! "That's the way it works" and SHOOT SHOOT!! Henderson's down and Sacrificial Lamb has a whole new outlook on life. Better thank Jack's sweet ass that he didn't shoot you too.

Commercial. So after the first act of the first hour, Russians are eliminated, Henderson executed by Jack (nice), and we've seen three injuries to throats (Sacrificial Lamb and his first kill, Jack with Vomiting Blood man and Jack with Bierko and his LEGS OF STEEL!). And GOD the X-men movie looks lame. Just watched the second one again and damnit, why does this one have to suck?

5:25 Some kind of authority figures arrive at the sub. Jack calls Bill. Tells him that Henderson fired on him and then covertly talks to Chloe about....

GOING AFTER LOGAN!!! He needs to modify some field equipment and asks if she's with him on this. This being the assasination of the president. An asshole president but still.

Novick and Logan gloat about the threat being over like THEY did something. Logan wants to make some remarks next to Palmer's dead body! ASS-HOOOOOOOOLE! Novick goes off to write a statement...or most likely get someone else to write a statement. Crazy music follows as NutJob talks to Novick. he wants to know what this is about. Again.

Logan and Graham Cracker Crust talk. They're happy that Henderson's dead. And Mr. Bauer will be taken care of. Grrr.

Aaron and NutJob show the dead SS agent's body in the trunk. This feels awfully Bonnie and Clyde-y. The recording is brought up again and then pushed aside. Novick's finally got the idea that tricky stuff is really going on. And getting Aaron off the ranch is still somehow important. Aaron and NutJob? Kissy face? Kissy face! COME ON! COME ON! DO IT!

OOOHHH!!!! For some reason I'm completely fufilled by that. That step of Aaron's towards Martha. Hand on the arm. Fantastic. Said it all... wow. Wow. Wow. Why can't Jack's love life be written like that? That kinda makes me in even more awe of Aaron.

5:38 Jack calls Novick as he and Aaron are unloading a body. Bringing President Logan to justice. Jack's going to try and get a confession from Logan? He cannot be allowed to remain in office for one more day. Wow. CrAZAAY situation.

Karen Hayes Huges looks weird after a call. Oooo, she's being called into Washington (probably by Milesy Asswipe) and they're looking for scapegoats. Chloe's bringing in someone named Morris who's selling Women's shoes. Chloe's ex-husband. Wait, Chloe's ex-husband? And he's British!?! And he's kinda cute? And HOW did that start?

"I could but it'd be a terrible waste of my charm." I really love this guy. I love him love him love him. But still have no clue as to how that ever started.

Novick talks to NutJob...oh, this is what I think it is. Hey look at that! In the background on the tv is footage from the Season 2 finale. Crazy. Nut Job's got to figure out a way to delay Logan's departure. And that way's gonna be yucky. Saw a clip on Headline News last week and didn't know where it came from. Now... Now I think I know. I should get some fizzy water and crackers ready for when I vomit.

5:53 Jack's at the ranch. Yes, people move absurdly fast at the most conveinient times. Aaron and Jack meet. Jack, I'm your father. Come on. Say it. You're SO HIS DAD! Aaron seems absurdly cool with getting Jack onboard the chopper so he can hurt Logan.

Martha to Logan. Okay, she's vomiting a little in her mouth as she apologizes to Logan. And she has to swallow asking for his forgiveness about saying he broke her heart and she hated him. She's SUCH a bad liar. Looking away and everything. Wow, that pillow is interesting. And that panel of wood. Ew. She still needs him and loves him. Yep. She's got the taste of vomit in there. Now Logan's getting all emotional...well, what emotions are possible for a traitory jerk like he is.

And they kissed. Ew. She's trying her best seductress act.... touching him. Undoing his shirt and tie. Ew. Kissing again. Ew...no tongue THANK GOD! And appealing to his ego and tiny penis, she gets him to stay. Hopefully she always cries during sex 'cause this isn't going to fun.

Jack and Aaron in.... a locker room. How far is Jack willing to go? As far as he has to. He better be for what Martha's got to be going though. For what I'M GOING THROUGH WATCHING THAT!!!

Ew,

And commercial for Miami Vice? Ew.

Last hour folks. LAST HOUR!

And they're showing a recap. A recap of the show we just saw. Haven't they realized that they'll always have a 2 hour finale. But the shots of Chloe's ex-husband are worth it. What can I say!?! I've got a thing for accents. And they show the ewwy scene again.

6 a.m to 7 a.m.

Well, that was fast. Quickie indeed. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.
Morris calls Chloe "sweetheart." Crazy.

So it looks like Jack's going to be pilot. Aaron working from the gym locker room still. And he's probably going to take out this pilot. Nope, leaving that for Jack. LOL. Jumps on him like a 2-year old. Knocks the guy out. Now Jack's got the pilot helmet on and looks like a storm trooper from the neck up. Written by Robert Cochran and directed by Jon Cassar.

6:06 Nut Job's got to find a reason not to get on the chopper. And appealing to his ego AGAIN (god that man must have a small penis to be compensating so much), she gets him to go on without her. Yes Logan. Climb aboard the chopper of DOOM! Novick and Nut Job stare at each other on the ground as Jack pulls a gun on the chopper pilot. He's got a gun.

TAZERS! I have a message for you from the White House. A POCKET FULL OF TAZER!! It's nice to see Logan in cuffs. "Bad things happened." Yep Logan. And more bad things are GOING TO HAPPEN. He's just blathering on... blah blah blah and Jack's staring at him. "Damnit Bauer say something!" Hee hee.

Chloe's ex calls her "love." And I love him. Alright, they've landed abnormally soon at a printing press. Tazer to another guy and they'll all be out for the rest of the season. Seeing Logan shuffle his little feet alongside Jack is hilarious. My GOD! Logan's trying absolutely everything to get out of this. Jack's silence with all of this is fantastic.

The door-to-door salesman that is Chloe's ex-husband comes in and delivers whatever there is. Tells jack to call Chloe. Tells him using the pinky and thumb symbol. Alright. That's a little... strange.

Jack's got 10 minutes to get Logan to break before they're caught and inevitably arrested as traitors.

Commercial.

Okay. Just this situation is...awesome.
OH! And Allstate commercial. Palmer! PALMER!!! I'll be in good hands with you, Palmer.

6:18 There's that sunrise magic shot. This is all just real creepy. Logan a little tougher than Walt? Yeah I'm counting down the seconds until you crap your pants.

Jack's just going about this like a regular interrogation. This is....wow.
"This won't mean a thing!" If it ain't got that siwng!
I smell hatred. I smell showdown. I smell EMMY! Jack talks about the end of last year. Him having to fake his death and that the danger he was hiding from is him....

And Jack uses the power of monologue to try and get Logan to talk....shoot him! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! The other guys are here to take Jackdown and Logan's staring at Jack like he's Jesus.

Holy...holy shit. Solitary confinement. Holy Christ.

6:26 Call to Novick at the airbase. Novick to Nut Job tells her about Jack being in custody. Oh God. Oh God, does he know that Martha's early morning make-out session was a part of this.

OH DAVID PALMER! DAVID PALMER'S BODY! Okay, just a casket with a flag on it. Martha's breaking down. Crazy music starting. Martha starts yelling "You're a murderer!" She's taken away and Logan gives Novick an evil eye. Goes into a hangar with Martha and BASTARD! BITCH! BASTARD!

Logan searches Martha... I can't talk.... oh my God.

He'll fill her so full of drugs that she can't remember her name. Clean up. you're a mess....

Oh my God! I am speechless. That scene was marvelous and I will be haunted by Logan threatening Martha with the asylum stuff. Oh God. I am going to be on pins and needles until iTunes releases these episodes tomorrow. And ALIAS!!!

6:39 Logan salutes. Oh my God I want to kill him.

Chloe and a recording. Are they doing the same thing as Sherry did....

A conversation between the Martha and Logan. A listening device on Logan!

Attorney General to Secret Service agent. Doing something. Talking to other agents. SS agents approaching....Federal Marshalls that is. And there's the micro transmitter that recorded the conversation. Martha smirks! Novick smirks! OMG!

Audrey and Jack see each other and I never thought that I don;'t want to see this right now.

The guy who told Jack that Kim was calling is the main surgeon on Scrubs.

Jack! Phone! Chloraform! Audrey looking dumb! (I am SO not going to get any interviews on my podcast...I'm too snarky.) Blacking out!

6:53 Split screen bonanza and no Jack in the boxes.

Karen Hayes Hughes and Bill should make-out. OR GO ON A DATE! Bill smiles and getts happy for a second.

Bill gives Chloe a picture of her and Edgar. Sexy British Ex and Chloe go off together to "talk."

Audrey sees phone off the hook. Freaks.

Jack has the shit beat out of him! And it's the Chinese. And I thought tazers were bad!?!

Kill me? Kill him!?!

you're far too valuable to kill Mr. Bauer.

Holy shit. Chinese circle of pain. OMG. OMG. OMG.